detachment

it just doesn't add up.

next time I will not

expect. 

or be expected.

you are not real. 

and I swear

it was a dream. 

fill these holes with something thicker. 

you've put me through everything and nothing.

should I close the doors and stop this now? Or think that there's actually a possibility...

I need to write more. Songs, that is. I need to meditate. Start reading more. Call my parents. Take more walks around the city.

I need...

balance. 

I find myself constantly looking for the answer. trying to make sense of EVERYTHING all the time, and I've come to realize that that's just the way I am. But isn't it supposed to be like that? If we aren't trying to grow, or create new ideas, then what's the point? 

My question is why, more recently, have I become more and more hungry for the answers, more impatient, and more upset about it... It's not a self-realization thing, but at the same time it totally is. I could either slow myself down, simply sit back and just stop proving myself to myself. But... that's not fun.

I'm not sure where I am. Does anyone know? 

something is changing. I can feel it. 

so maybe I'm coming to a few realizations. 

I cannot give my heart out

for free

like some kind of disease. 

life is magical. it is so easy to forget what's important and beautiful because we get so caught up in our own problems and let them get in the way of the true authenticity and natural appeal of our every day surroundings.

there will always be obstacles. there will always be fear. that is part of life. if these things did not exist, we would not seek an urge to grow. to grow is to change. and to change is to experience. 

It's a journey. I have such a long way, but I am getting closer every day. 

I can't deal but I will learn to.

you broke me. 

I am whole now.