I constantly deal with a struggle. A struggle in which I am torn between what is right and what I believe is right. What I know is wrong and what others know is wrong. I see myself committing to certain people/things and I don't know why I find these people/things so important. I worry about my friends and their paths, when maybe I am really just giving myself too much credit.

I worry that we're all getting fucked up too much. That we're putting our energy into a place that needs none whatsoever. We surround ourselves with materialistic thoughts and forget what is truly important. Will it get worse? Will it get to a point where there is no value? That value, in itself, is nonexistent. That is a scary thought. 

Because of technology and the "system", we save much time instead of figuring things out by ourselves. But what if that step that we skip is actually the most essential? That, in order to make sense and advance further as individuals, we must go through the thought process and come to a conclusion. But now, with a click of a button, we have the answer, therefore leaving time to go on to other things and find more quick answers to other questions. But what if this is not healthy? What if, not realizing it now, this will become dangerous? Will it lead to taking more things for granted, and again, not recognizing the value in the small, pleasant subjects of our daily lives?

I have quit smoking, (again), and I sleep significantly better, and wake up at 10 or 11 instead of 3:30 in the afternoon. Thus leaving time for other, more important things. I've been busy with recording and practicing, and this leaves me overwhelmed with accomplishment at the end of day. But at the same time it leaves me feeling empty.

Friends came to Boston and I saw lots of live music last night. I can't even tell who's good anymore because everyone is good. 

I need my crew back. Birthday celebrations this weekend. 19th=not a big deal? If I feel old now...